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The new parenting technique is all about making the child comfortable, confident and never letting them have self-esteem issues. This would all be fine, but one strange part of modern parenting is treating the child as an equal. Let's talk about why that shouldn't be a case.
"Kids are like a mirror, what they see and hear they do. Be a good reflection for them."
-K. Heath
I've been reading a book about an efficient way of punishment. It's mostly about how parents mess up their children with giving them too much control, letting them lead the whole family and making the kid the boss in the house. (Beth A. Grosshans - Beyond Time Out, it's a great read, I highly suggest it.) So, let me give you an idea on what it's all about.
The main thing: if you give a child too much power, they will be crushed under the weight of it. You need to remember to treat your child their age. Although, you can give them control in several ways which aren't as obvious as they would seem.
So, why is it so important that a parent should be at the top of the hierarchy? Because children try to gain power and control from an early age, just because it's in their genes. The first attempts are made just when they are babies. When they want attention, they cry and quickly learn that this will make their mother come to them.
Another factor is that for a healthy development, a child needs their parents to guide them. No matter how much they resist this. They need to be taught how the world works and how they should fit into this imperfect mechanism, and there's no going around that.
Now, let's sum up the 3 main ways parents mess up the hierarchy:
Overreacting to their emotions
Let's say, you have a little girl and she's crying because of a skinned knee. What does a normal parent do? They simply tell them that it isn't that bad and it isn't worth crying over.
But what about a dysfunctional parent? They get down on their level and start helping them, blowing the whole situation out of proportion while saying things like "That really does look bad" and "Does it hurt that much?".
This creates an oversensitive child, who knows that they can manipulate with their own emotions.
Bowing to them
For some weird reason some parents think that they aren't worthy of their children's love and because of this, they bow to them, giving them anything and everything they ask for.
Please don't ever do this. You give over every little bit of control you have.
Not only does it result in a spoiled brat of a kid, but because of this they will also have a harder time as an adult.
Raising them like a soldier
One does not treat a child as such. Many parents raise their kids with strictness, which isn't a problem by itself, but you're still supposed to be their guardian and the person who keeps them safe. So they should feel safe around you.
But when you raise your children like a soldier, you try to correct every misbehavior and mistake, often involving physically punishment. Which will likely result in you never appreciating them or giving them support. Instead, the child will end up as a mess. Let me clarify.
The older your child is, the more they try to go out of bounds. With a "soldier", they will still do so, but behind their parents' backs. They won't be able to talk about certain things at home, resulting in... Whatever the parents try to keep them from.
So, how does this mess up the hierarchy? Simple. The child doesn't actually feel any respect for their parent, they just act like it.
So, your job as a parent, is to avoid these 3 types of behavior at all cost.
What do you think? Tell me in the comments or tweet at me.
Or check out the other posts about Parenting.
So, why is it so important that a parent should be at the top of the hierarchy? Because children try to gain power and control from an early age, just because it's in their genes. The first attempts are made just when they are babies. When they want attention, they cry and quickly learn that this will make their mother come to them.
Another factor is that for a healthy development, a child needs their parents to guide them. No matter how much they resist this. They need to be taught how the world works and how they should fit into this imperfect mechanism, and there's no going around that.
Now, let's sum up the 3 main ways parents mess up the hierarchy:
Overreacting to their emotions
Let's say, you have a little girl and she's crying because of a skinned knee. What does a normal parent do? They simply tell them that it isn't that bad and it isn't worth crying over.
But what about a dysfunctional parent? They get down on their level and start helping them, blowing the whole situation out of proportion while saying things like "That really does look bad" and "Does it hurt that much?".
This creates an oversensitive child, who knows that they can manipulate with their own emotions.
Bowing to them
For some weird reason some parents think that they aren't worthy of their children's love and because of this, they bow to them, giving them anything and everything they ask for.
Please don't ever do this. You give over every little bit of control you have.
Not only does it result in a spoiled brat of a kid, but because of this they will also have a harder time as an adult.
Raising them like a soldier
One does not treat a child as such. Many parents raise their kids with strictness, which isn't a problem by itself, but you're still supposed to be their guardian and the person who keeps them safe. So they should feel safe around you.
But when you raise your children like a soldier, you try to correct every misbehavior and mistake, often involving physically punishment. Which will likely result in you never appreciating them or giving them support. Instead, the child will end up as a mess. Let me clarify.
The older your child is, the more they try to go out of bounds. With a "soldier", they will still do so, but behind their parents' backs. They won't be able to talk about certain things at home, resulting in... Whatever the parents try to keep them from.
So, how does this mess up the hierarchy? Simple. The child doesn't actually feel any respect for their parent, they just act like it.
So, your job as a parent, is to avoid these 3 types of behavior at all cost.
What do you think? Tell me in the comments or tweet at me.
Or check out the other posts about Parenting.
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